Nervous, anxious, and excited all at the same time! 💜🙃✌🏼
This is a cause that I hold dear to my heart. I’ve struggled with binge eating and bulimia since the age of 13, and I’ve yet to win the battle. Mental illness truly has no cure… help me support others who are suffering as well as raising awareness for #nedawalk by making a donation to my team!
Not only was I held inpatient at Children’s Medical of Dallas who are sponsoring the event, but I also bought and read a book by the event speaker, Jenni Schaefer. Her book “Life Without ED,” helped me help myself, and helped my support network support me.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
You know, music really just lifts the spirit whichever way it needs to go. Sometimes you need to cry and let it out. Other times you need to scream and release the anger. Then there are times when you’re just so happy that you NEED to sing; along to something of course, this isn’t The Voice let’s be real.
In case you’re in need of new jams or just some background tunes for your commute, I’m currently playing these songs on repeat:
Artist: Sasha Sloan
“I know I did all the shitty things to you
I said I never ever would
Baby, that’s so like me”
Artist: Tove Lo
“I’m in a cycle
Yeah, I admit it
How can I change it when I don’t know when I’m in it?”
Artist: Lil Peep
Song: Beamer Boy
“I feel like I’m a no one, that’s what they told me
I’mma show ya, baby I was chosen”
Artist: Erika Norwich
“When my mom complained about my health
Ballerina thought I felt alone when she had no idea what I felt”
Song: Lonely Together (feat. Rita Ora)
“I might hate myself tomorrow, but I’m on my way tonight
Let’s be lonely together
A little less lonely together”
PSA there are currently only two playlists that I’ve made public, but if you’re interested in more of my musical ‘taste’ follow me on Spotify!
Following in true nerd fashion, I got my friend to come along to downtown of an area called McKinney in order to play Pokemon Go (I’m slightly obsessed). While we were there we decided to eat. This was a critical moment.. I get HANGRY, and that’s not a good look on anyone.
So we parked the car in the town square. I love it because it feels very old school Texas in this area, the court house is even in the middle of the square. Anyways, going off topic here. So we parked right in front of this local restaurant. Figured we’d look at the menu and after we decided ‘Why the hell not?’
So in we go and to be honest I was shocked. It was cozy, and felt very rustic. We sat at a secluded table and eyed the menu once again. We ordered the ribeye with bearnaise sauce (is your mouth drooling? Cause mine is!) and the serrano caesar salad.
The food was amazing. We had the peach cobbler for dessert and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to live in Texas. My god the food was awesome.
So if you’re ever around downtown McKinney make sure to stop by Harvest. They’re a seasonal kitchen devoted to finding local ingredients. Plus its delish.
I can’t help but laugh at myself. I’ve been so bored being jobless and whatnot that I’ve started clinging to my brother like a leech. “Where are you going?” “What are you doing?” “Plans for tonight?” “Dinner..?”
So after getting bored with the whole Pokemon Go fad we had to find a new hobby. We tried bingo.
Now i will say it was an experience, there was some good people watching and the best part? I ENJOYED IT!
I love finding new things to do- and now that I have a pink marker for the bingo board I’ll most likely be going back again soon… although I think I might have to try the purple and leave my brother with the blue one he bought.
So I know this post is a month late, but hey… better late than never right?
The 4th of July in the United States of America is an excuse to gather and partake in silly shenanigans. I obviously had to join in!
Luckily a friend of mine decided to have a pool party. At first i wasn’t sure i wanted to go because of the whole ‘being seen in a bikini’ thing, but it turned out well.
We got in the pool, I hide in the shade some, and we even played life-size Jenga!
I had a blast and I can honestly tell you, there is nothing better than pool days during the Texas summer heat.
I always wanted to fit in- and I have, for the most part. I fit in almost every locker, cabinet, and tight spot you can put me in. I don’t like it, but I fit. The question is, where do I not fit in?
I’m half of an inch off of being a legal midget in the state of Texas. Some of you laugh, but it’s taken me many years to come to terms with this. I hated being small. I hated being short. I hated being tiny. For the longest time, I hated my height. Until one day I realized that my height didn’t make me, My. It made me short. BUT, that didn’t have to define me.
Then I struggled with my name. “What’s My short for?” Well, it’s short but it’s not short for anything. It’s simply two letters: M-Y; pronounced “me”. No it doesn’t mean anything. Yes it should be pronounced “my” and trust me (HA!), you might be clever but I’ve heard just about every damn joke by now. I hated introducing myself. I hated meeting new people. I hated signing papers. For the longest time, I hated my name. Until one day I realized that the jokes didn’t make me, My. It made my name different. BUT, that didn’t have to define me.
After that, my background came into question. So many questions, so difficult to explain. Yes I was born in Sweden. No I didn’t have American citizenship. Yes we immigrated to the United States. No my family doesn’t spend holidays together. Yes I wonder what life would have been like. I answered all of the questions that someone who just stepped ashore in a new land should. Until one day I realized that my visa status didn’t make me, My. It made me an alien. BUT, that didn’t have to define me.
Eventually it led to my friendships. Why was I never able to make the same connection that other girls did? Was it my looks? Was it my background? Or was it simply “My”? I struggled often to understand why I wouldn’t and couldn’t have the same relationships others did. I questioned whether I was likable, whether it was the way I looked,or if it was because I was a foreigner. Until one day I realized that the popularity didn’t make me, My. It made me lonely. BUT, that didn’t have to define me.
Recently I’ve been asked to take “personality,” compatibility,” “intelligence,” and “pre-employment” tests. So far no results have led to an interview or any kind of job offer thereafter. It’s made me feel stupid. It’s made me wonder if I need to change who I am as a human being. It’s made me consider altering the way I act and react. It’s made me question a lot. Until one day I realized that the tests didn’t make me, My. They made me undesirable as an employee. BUT, that didn’t have to define me.
No this isn’t a pity party, nor is this a request to be an exception. This is simply a statement of how we mold ourselves into becoming the perfect specimens, yet never achieve perfection.
It’s truly a shame, because I am different.
My entire life I’ve been taught to try to fit in, yet I am that star block you’re shoving into a square hole. I feel like I no longer have an option, if I want to fit I have to be a square. I need to be what they want and who they want in order to be hired. Because without a job My can’t be me.
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Some people are like fire, you know they can burn you; but you want them any way. Ending those toxic relationships can be difficult. I was like a moth drawn to a flame, but I eventually decided to put out the fire.
At first, it felt miserable. Like going cold turkey from an addiction. Without the light the moth is left in the darkness, lost with no sense of direction. The flame uses the moth to fuel the fire. Fully aware it has flickered into different shapes in order to trick the moth into the light over and over again. Drawn to the flame, the moth wants so desperately to believe it won’t get burnt. I mean who knew the flame could change into so many different colors?
The flame tries its best to keep the moth around for the benefits. It’s a connection being maintained for a rainy day; when the fire is barely an ember and the moth can be used to give it life again. Like all situations when a moth is drawn to a flame, there are only two possible outcomes. Either the moth gets burnt to ashes in the fire or finds another source of light. Eventually this moth realized its own boundaries; it couldn’t keep flying full force into the flame absorbing and forgiving all the burns.
Sometimes the darkest times can bring us to the brightest place. I usually give people more chances than they deserve but once I’m done, I’m done. I have a limit and when you reach it I dismiss you from my life. It’s that simple.
I kept having moments where I thought to myself, “This would make a great blog post” or “I’ll blog about this later” and well… It’s been a year and I still hadn’t gotten around to it. So today I decided to stop procrastinating and CHANGE SOMETHING. So the blog has a new look to it, hope you guys like it. Leave a comment or drop me a line under the Contact page if you have any suggestions or concerns about it.
Next on my list is to upload pictures from my Christmas vacation to Mexico and Cuba, let’s hope it doesn’t take me another year!
Google “untouchables” and you well get two different definitions. The first states that something/someone is unattainable. The second refers to the Hindu caste system, where the untouchables could be rejected on an individual basis or by an entire group of people.
Currently I’m experiencing what it means to be “untouchable,” and not in the bad way. I’m simply wanting something that i shouldn’t. I’m scared as hell of wanting it, but yet here i am.. wanting it anyways. It feels unattainable and way out of my league, and I’m worried that I’ll end up hurting myself in the long run. I’m also experiencing how it feels to be “untouchable”; The second definition, i could easily be rejected. I don’t feel adequate.
I’m normally a pretty straight-forward, no bullshit, blunt bitch. Ask my friends and they know, you don’t mess with My. I will tear people apart with the whit of my tongue, but i will also defend those whom i love till the death of me. But in this situation i feel meek. Is this good for me? Does this suit me? Am i okay with this? I cant put my finger on it!
…and i think that’s where i get stuck. I’m so used to being in control that this feeling is foreign to me. It’s hard, but at the same time i think it’s exactly what i need.