Procrastination

I kept having moments where I thought to myself, “This would make a great blog post” or “I’ll blog about this later” and well… It’s been a year and I still hadn’t gotten around to it. So today I decided to stop procrastinating and CHANGE SOMETHING. So the blog has a new look to it, hope you guys like it. Leave a comment or drop me a line under the Contact page if you have any suggestions or concerns about it. 

Next on my list is to upload pictures from my Christmas vacation to Mexico and Cuba, let’s hope it doesn’t take me another year! 

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The Untouchables

Google “untouchables” and you well get two different definitions. The first states that something/someone is unattainable. The second refers to the Hindu caste system, where the untouchables could be rejected on an individual basis or by an entire group of people.

Currently I’m experiencing what it means to be “untouchable,” and not in the bad way. I’m simply wanting something that i shouldn’t. I’m scared as hell of wanting it, but yet here i am.. wanting it anyways. It feels unattainable and way out of my league, and I’m worried that I’ll end up hurting myself in the long run. I’m also experiencing how it feels to be “untouchable”; The second definition, i could easily be rejected. I don’t feel adequate.

I’m normally a pretty straight-forward, no bullshit, blunt bitch. Ask my friends and they know, you don’t mess with My. I will tear people apart with the whit of my tongue, but i will also defend those whom i love till the death of me. But in this situation i feel meek. Is this good for me? Does this suit me? Am i okay with this? I cant put my finger on it!

…and i think that’s where i get stuck. I’m so used to being in control that this feeling is foreign to me. It’s hard, but at the same time i think it’s exactly what i need.

Power is being told you are not loved
and not being destroyed by it.
-Madonna

Hello Spring

Those of you who know me, or have seen me out and about know i have an affection for heels. Not the run-of-the-mill black patent pumps kind either. Any pair of shoes that can give me a good bump in height has a special place in my heart. Gotta love those 90’s platforms, or those killer Jeffrey Campbells.

Now that Spring is here (technically), i decided to oust some of my ratchet heels from last year and invite a few new pairs into the cult in my closet. Mind you, all of these are relatively vanilla compared to what i normally wear.

Gotta have a pair of black sandals, there’s just no surviving without. I opted for a pair of beige ones as well.. not my favorite color but they blend well with a tan and some summery dresses.

Last but not least, i had to decide whether to indulge my inner Barbie Girl or go for a more “mature” color. I did the latter, *ahem still not so mature*. I think these will be my staples for the upcoming months.

What It Feels Like

I don’t want to say love is a waiting game…

It’s hard for me to have a blog and try to stay autonomous with my feelings. Those of you who read in the past know i was nothing of the sort. I wrote every emotion, every feeling, i wrote all of it, even if it would come back to bite me in the ass. Now i guess I’m “older” or “more mature”…pssh, bitch please.. I have bills to pay and need a job to do so, otherwise my mouth would be happily running again, and anyone who tells you differently is LYING.

I don’t know how to start this, or if i should start this. But, we all know i’ve never been shy to speak my feelings. HA! He dumped me. Yep.. and this is what it feels like.  I want to say I’m disappointed but the only person to be disappointed in is myself, how much doesn’t that suck? I want to be angry, and for the life of me, I AM. You can’t love someone and just walk away…. it just doesn’t work that way.

I can be all of the negative words you ever heard. I can be a bad person. & i for sure can manipulate you for my own desire. But i never did anything of the sort with this man. I was myself, and i loved him thoroughly. Yes, i wasn’t perfect, hell i wasn’t even 5% perfect. I tried to make him love me… it never seemed to work. Don’t look elsewhere for attention because
you will lose a diamond chasing the glitter. I know, because i did.

Baby I’m thinking it over
What if the way we started made it something cursed from the start
What if it only gets colder
Would you still wrap me up and tell me that you think this was smart
Cuz lately I’ve been scared of even thinking ’bout where we are

The Black Monologue

Monki Top // Nasty Gal Tights // Jeffrey Campbell Bit Lita Boots//
ReTrak Premier Stylus // Lime Crime Black Velvet Lipstick

The summer flew by in a flurry of madness, bikinis, sparkling water and a love gone wrong. The fall brought new excitement and near October i thought i had it all. November came and threw me off my game. It’s all a blur how we got here but in January, we both knew it was wrong. All the hope i thought i had found and captured, slipped through my fingers. I don’t know when exactly i lost it, i don’t know where it has gone. All i know is i tried to hold on.

“And someone will love it because it’s honest,
and someone will hate it because it’s crude,

GEN Y/GEN Z

“Open up Instagram and see the lives of others, the life we could have. See the places we’re not traveling to. See the lives we’re not living. See the people we’re not dating. We bombard
ourselves with stimuli, input, input, input, and we wonder why we’re miserable.
We wonder why we’re dissatisfied.”

How we portray ourselves on social media has been a topic for a while now. I heard it when i was in university, how it would affect my career. I was never censored, i was just smart about it. I never put a name to my opinions and i never posted defamatory posts on Facebook. I made sure to delete the entire existence of my high school years online. But today i still suffer from the effects of “the interweb”. I see beautiful people, beautiful pictures, in beautiful places and i want MORE. I’m never enough, my life is never enough.

What i forget is that i take 20 selfies to only post 1 of myself. I scroll through Instagram and see beautiful girls and wish ‘i could be just like them’ when really, its a photograph. I know nothing about their life or whether or not they are happy. What’s to envy?

So i’ve stopped following triggering profiles on social media and i try to stay as genuine as possible. At the end of the day im happy being ME, so why not show my friends the real me? …even if that includes some less than flattering photographs.