Modern Advent Calendar

I’m essentially a child in an adult’s body. Actually- take that back it’s more of an adult/child hybrid considering my height. BESIDES THE POINT. 

Getting back on track (this is funnier than you realize right now); I’ve started checking Google Santa TRACKER every day. You get it now? HA! Hilarious, so funny I know you forgot to laugh. 

I’m assuming it’s technically meant for younger humans but you know what? It gets me in the holiday spirit so IDGAF. Basically Santa’s Village unlocks a new game or exercise each day. PLUS on the 24th the website will track where Santa is all night. 

I did not know it’s been around for 13 years, this is the first year I’ve started following it as an advent calendar- but I loves it. 

The Untouchables

Google “untouchables” and you well get two different definitions. The first states that something/someone is unattainable. The second refers to the Hindu caste system, where the untouchables could be rejected on an individual basis or by an entire group of people.

Currently I’m experiencing what it means to be “untouchable,” and not in the bad way. I’m simply wanting something that i shouldn’t. I’m scared as hell of wanting it, but yet here i am.. wanting it anyways. It feels unattainable and way out of my league, and I’m worried that I’ll end up hurting myself in the long run. I’m also experiencing how it feels to be “untouchable”; The second definition, i could easily be rejected. I don’t feel adequate.

I’m normally a pretty straight-forward, no bullshit, blunt bitch. Ask my friends and they know, you don’t mess with My. I will tear people apart with the whit of my tongue, but i will also defend those whom i love till the death of me. But in this situation i feel meek. Is this good for me? Does this suit me? Am i okay with this? I cant put my finger on it!

…and i think that’s where i get stuck. I’m so used to being in control that this feeling is foreign to me. It’s hard, but at the same time i think it’s exactly what i need.

Power is being told you are not loved
and not being destroyed by it.
-Madonna